Friend
by TragediesPainfulKiss
Summary: Severus and Sirius grew up in the same kind of home- loveless and cold. But Severus never escaped like Sirius had. After a huge blow-out, Severus just wants to be alone. No one really understands how broken bones can make one angry, no one except Sirius. A Severus and Sirius FRIEND fic.


Severus was still furious at Albus. It always seemed that the elderly wizard found ways to make him his miserable. While Severus knew it wasn't purposeful, it didn't make his frustration lessen. And of course he was lashing out- more so than usual. But that was the only emotion he could control. And he needed control. Craved it. Without it, he became scared, and he couldn't control his fear. Naturally, he had to destroy that fear with anger. Anger was easy. Anger was hot, and almost warm. It was the only safety he had known, no matter how small a comfort it was. He had argued with Albus as much as he could, but Albus dismissed his arguments. The headmaster simply did not believe Severus was being accurate when he described what kind of evening the Order could expect at his aunts. But Albus didn't believe his story. He never had. No one ever did. Everyone saw the bad in him, and if Severus had to be honest with himself, there really was nothing good in him.

"This place is huge!" Molly gasped, looking up at the elaborate mansion and it's well manicured lawn.

"Yes! Mistress and Master are taking good care of home!" Esla, the house-elf nodded as she led them across the grounds toward the large building. Building- that was all it was. It was nothing more. "Largest wizard-owned in the world." Esla went on and on, but Severus wasn't listening anymore. He was bringing his anger down to a level that would easily be managed. Inwardly, he shoved the more raw anger away, bottling it up for later. Someday, he told himself, he would allow himself to let that out. But not today, not anytime soon. That was the kind of dangerous anger, the rage that had caused the loss of Lily.

"Severus, aren't you excited to see your family?" Remus asked, gawking at the place.

But still Severus snarled. "No." He left it at that, glaring at the building that was soon to become a prison.

"They are your family." Molly scolded, but Severus ignored the chide, choosing to glare out into the night.

Why was Black allowed to feel anger at his family, and he wasn't? It was the same situation! But, then again, Black was a good person. Why did Severus keep forgetting that he would never be likeable? There was that intense anger again, he quickly swallowed it down. It burned, but the sting felt better than the pain of sorrow and regret. The burn pushed away the grief, the regret. Most importantly, it masked away the great pain that could never be healed. He'd hide that away until his death. The death that seemed cruelly to be too far away.

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The dining room was as elaborate and cold as Severus had remembered it. The table the same long, expansive table from his youth. It was more an examination table, where his flaws and various failures could be on display- easily dissected by his 'family.' He sat somewhere near the middle- his half-blood rendering him not good enough to sit farther up with his immediate family. He was never good enough. Never would be. It had taken a long time, but he had finally come to terms with it in fifth-year.

The scrutiny came immediately. But it was okay. He had come prepared. He had braced himself.

"Septimus!" One of his uncles (Uncle Thor) by marriage (who had always tried to be somewhat kind) looked in his direction. "I hear you've made a potion that cures lycanthropy! Very nice." He gestured at Severus with his wine glass. "If only you were a pure-blood, imagine what you could have done!"

Severus nodded, looking down at his plate.

"What does blood have to do with it!" Hermione demanded. "He cured lycanthropy! How could a pure-blood top that?"

"They could have done it much quicker! And devoted themselves to helping those more deserving." Thor insisted, talking to Hermione as if she wasn't the smartest girl in her school.

"Then why didn't they?" Hermione countered.

But her argument was cut off my his aunt Sani. "What can you expect! That's" she gestured at Severus, "Is what happens when one goes whoring around with muggle men!" She sneered at Eileen, who was sitting further down as she had lost some standing when she had lay with Tobias.

"You think I don't know what he is?" Tobias demanded, slamming what was surely not his first drink down on the table. "I should have drowned him when I had the chance!"

"Why didn't you!?" His grandmother, Jasmine, demanded.

"Yes," Thor nodded, "It would have been the charitable thing to do. It's only kind to put the feeble-minded out of their misery."

"Severus was eligible to graduate at fifteen." Albus came to Severus's defense, surprising him. "He opted to stay, and I have no question as to why."

"Yes, but why not earlier!? Why not 12? 13?" His grandfather, Salazar demanded. "Sozin has been a disappointment since birth." His grandfather looked down at him with disdain and Severus quickly looked away. "How thankful I am that there is another heir!"

"Really should have drowned him after Edward was born..." Sani muttered, purposely loud. The remark carried easily to the silent Order members, and Severus felt the anger rush up to his mouth. Before he could stop, he was hissing at his aunt.

"I wish you would have!"

A sharp slap to his face from his grandfather had him slumping back in his sight.

"You'll shut your mouth, filthy half-blood bastard!" Salazar towered over him, and it served as a potent reminder that Severus had to learn to keep his more intense anger inside. He had to take this. He deserved it. "What have you done with your life?" His grandfather demanded. "Your cousin Rasi had already born seven children- five males! Your cousin Dominick has sired three! Look at the rest of your cousins! They've all made something of their lives! They got married at sixteen! What were you doing at sixteen!?"

"He earned a wizengamot!" Albus looked aghast, and Severus couldn't understand why. "He's the youngest yet! He's invented several helpful potions! He was the leading drive behind many useful contributions to both muggle-kind and wizard-kind."

"He is a HALF-blood! Nothing he does will ever matter!" Jasmine raged. "Even if he were a pure-blood, he would still be worthless! He is flawed to the core! His mother should have ended his life!" SHe shook her head. "Why I didn't do it for her..."

"We need not be so harsh, must we?" Thor asked. "It's not his fault his blood is tainted. We must remember that even a crippled house-elf can be trained to be somewhat useful."

"Don't compare him to a house-elf!" Molly gasped. "That's your nephew!"

"You're right." Eileen smirked. "At least a house-elf knows his place."

Severus struggled to remain silent. It would be easy to lash out, to push his anger on someone else for a few seconds. But he knew better than to allow himself such a pleasure. The smack on his face was only a glimpse of what could happen.

"The world would be better of he was dead. Even more so if he was never born." Tobias muttered.

That was when Severus took off. Hurrying, but not running, he slammed a door and and stomped off into the night. The intense anger was there, but now there was another stinging. Sorrow. He'd never be good enough...never be good. Worthless. Stupid. Ugly. He went a long way, stopping to lean against a trunk of a tree. The anger took over and he punched at the ground, repeatedly. The pebbles below cut at his fists, but he continued. This sharp pain was easy to deal with, unlike sorrow. He made animal like noises of anger as he continued, his breathing sharp and his throat tight. Everything was red and black. All he could see was colored with his raw emotions, but he stopped fighting it now. He almost embraced it. The heat, after all, was almost like what a hug felt like. At least the warmth was.

"Hey." Severus looked for the owner of the voice, only to find Black standing there, looking nervous and uncomfortable. "You've been gone for hours...We thought maybe...we should look for you in case..."

"In case what? I killed myself?" Severus snarled. "What would anyone care?" He muttered darkly, the redness making it hard to see.

"I just thought...maybe you could...use somebody who understood what 'that' is like."


End file.
